Summertime sadness
by Sirensongs04
Summary: "You are my horizon James Norrington, beautiful but completely unattainable. Like the fading sunlight that i hope to keep but slips from my fingertips. Like the ocean current that i wish to follow... But you and i were destined for other things, like two ends that keep crossing but never joined." OC/James N.
1. Ch 1 Too young for love

**_Summertime sadness._**

_**AN: Okay guys, this is an OC/Norrington fic! And there will be a little Elizabeth bashing here but nothing too bad. It's not that i hate Elizabeth, i actually really like her it's just i think she made the wrong choice when she chose Will over James. And i thought James deserved a happy ending of his own. Okay please read and enjoy my dearies, and please let me know what you think and if i should continue via comment. Will take place before CoTP and during all the movies except the fourth one. **_

**Chapter one.** _Too young for love._

They picked up a boy from the water, a boy with dark hair and a fair face. At first glance Victoria could hardly care for the boy, he was scrawny and dangly like a piece of string yet her older sister, Elizabeth, was utterly fascinated by him. She has always been the friendlier one between the two of them, Elizabeth that is. But Victoria liked to keep to herself having only very few friends. No, the boy who said his name was William Turner did not fascinate her at all, she was too busy paying attention to the tall Lieutenant who didn't speak very often. His eyes were a bright shade of green, one that Victoria liked, it reminded her of the sea on a sunny afternoon. She decided that it was her favourite part of lieutenant Norrington aside from his deep voice and warm smile. There were very few people in the ship that she actually talked to aside from her small family, one was a very strange yet superstitious man; Mr. Gibbs, he told her stories about pirates and sea serpents that ate sailors, and mermaids that sung with golden voices. Her father greatly disapproved of such tales yet she did not care, she loved Mr. Gibbs' stories and so did Elizabeth. Often enough Victoria would wander over to the bow and peer over the rails hoping to catch a glimpse of those mermaids Gibbs often told her about. She stood on her tiptoes craning her neck as far as she could for a clearer view.

"Careful now Miss Swann. Wouldn't want you falling off the edge now would we." A deep voice said from behind her, she didn't have to look over her shoulder to see who it was, she already knew, yet she did. If only to spy a glimpse of his vibrant green eyes.

Had she known what the butterflies in her tummy meant when he stared at her she would have told him about it but decided against it. "I wanted to see the mermaids."

"I'm afraid you won't see any tonight." He said. He didn't smile often but when he did it was breath taking. He should smile a lot more is what Victoria thought, suddenly she wanted to know how to pry such a reaction from him once more.

"Mr. Gibbs said that mermaids sing when the moon is full, and the tide is low."

"But the moon is neither full nor is the tide low. Best you go back to your cabin Miss Swann, the night is rather cold." His posture was perfect, his hand clasped behind his back. Is he always this up tight?

Victoria didn't look back at the stern lieutenant and did as she was told. She liked him well enough, but a little too quiet and polite if she has any say about it. Perhaps one day she'll be able to change that.

* * *

><p>Six years have passed since their crossing from England to the warm paradise of Jamaica and quite frankly Victoria doesn't miss the cool and rainy city she once called her home. She liked it here, loved it even. The fine white sand and the dazzling sea often made up for the warm weather, she made a few friends too over the years and managed to keep track of her friendship to the newly assigned <em>'Captain' <em>Norrington. She remembered the day he got promoted and he had to wear that preposterous white wig, she tried to hide her giggles but soon surrendered to the inevitable, she laughed at him and he replied to her with a slight tilt of his lips and a stern brow. It was so like him, she thought yet she couldn't forget the warm feeling spreading through her chest when he asked her for the first double and they waltzed in perfect synchrony. He knew her step for step and she felt safe in his arms, she was fifteen at the time and remembered what her governess told her before she left when Victoria had gotten too old for a governess, "at this age your heart will rebel against your will, but remember that you are too young for love, and too old for ignorance." So with hose words of wisdom ingrained into her head she tried to keep her feelings for James at a mutual level, but god he made it so difficult, with his charming smiles and polite gestures that sent her heart rippling. His sweet little antics that only she knew about.

"You're surprisingly quiet. What has gotten into you," Victoria looked up from her plate and to her older sister. "Early this morning you were bouncing down the stairs like a giddy school girl."

"Nothing has gotten into me, _Elizabeth_. I'm just distracted." Victoria righted her posture hoping Elizabeth would just let the matter rest. Clearly Victoria had been distracted, it is after all her sixteenth birthday today and a ball is to be held in her honour tonight. Her mind reared back to her dance card resting on the vanity table in her room, the first and last dance still blank. Obviously she is still waiting for a certain captain to ask for her first and last dance during the ball even when he's already informed her that he will be absent for the occasion. He said he had some _'pressing matters to attend to'_ Victoria couldn't help but act like a spoiled brat and whine at him.

"M'lord Captain Norrington is waiting for you in the foyer." The butler announced to the breakfast table. Victorias eyes lit up and she stumbled to get to her feet.

"He's here!" She didn't even bother to politely excuse herself before running towards the grand foyer, her father quickly at her heels.

"So that's why you're so quiet..." Elizabeth mumbled as she sipped her tea before following her sister and father.

"James! I'm so glad to see you," Victoria came to stand before the now smiling captain, closer than what was considered proper, his hands clasped behind his back. "I thought you would've left already. I didn't think i'd be seeing you today when you said you had some important business to attend to."

"Good morning Miss Swann. Yes, well i was just on my way to the docks when i thought i ought to give you your present and stop by for a short visit." He was calling her 'Miss Swann' again she noticed. She thought they had broken that barrier two years ago when he first called her by her Name. Victoria gave him a sharp look before turning back to the rectangular box wrapped in brown paper and string. It was so like him, so strict and simple was the wrappings of her present but inside lies a treasure. It was a fan; the spine made from shiny ebony, the white silk fabric embroidered with black butterflies and the edges adorned with black lace.

"Thank you James, it is beautiful." Victoria's heart was melting, the warm look in his green eyes almost made her knees buckle. If it wasn't for her father coughing awkwardly Victoria was sure he would've kissed her.

"Governor Weatherby Swann, forgive me if i was too bold but i had hoped to greet your daughter a happy coming of age before i leave for the Dauntless."

"Yes of course Captain Norrington. I am well aware of how dear my daughter is to you." A mischievous glint in the governors eyes made the blood rush from James' neck to his face. If he was any more bold then perhaps he would have expressed just how deeply he treasured Victoria. But alas, he didn't want to offend.

"Good morning Captain." Elizabeth greeted the handsome young man with great disinterest. Victoria knew Elizabeth fancied the boy in the smithies, Will Turner.

"Good morning Miss Swann." He tilted his hat to the younger woman. It wasn't that he isn't used to Elizabeth's brash tone towards him, but somehow she is getting colder and colder with each of his visits to the Swann household. James knew the rumours going on around town and how she didn't like it one bit. People talked of how fine a match the two of them would be, the good and noble captain and the beautiful governor's daughter. But the governor has two daughters and James didn't believe that Elizabeth was the most beautiful one. Not to him. "Forgive me for my brashness Victoria but i must be off now. I hope to see you soon when i come back."

Victoria smiled when he returned to calling her by her name again, the syllables seeming to flow from his lips as he spoke them. "I bid you fair sailing James." She said before he took her hand and kissed it gently, his lips lingered longer than what was considered proper but she didn't mind and he didn't notice. After he bid her father and sister goodbye Victoria watched him board his carriage all the while clasping the delicate fan to her chest.

"Oh James..."

* * *

><p>When he returned from his two month venture Victoria greeted him at the docks. Her dark ebony hair shining under the fierce sunlight. She was grinning widely at him, her favourite fan -the one he gave her- held in her hand as she waved wildly at the young captain. He smiled at her, unable to fight the relief it brought him seeing her well and as happy and fiery as the day he left her. She had grown incredibly so, more beautiful, in the short two months he had been away. She came up to him and gave him a hug, at first James didn't know what to do. It was highly improper for a fine young woman and an honourable man to be in such an intimate position in public. Finally giving in when she didn't let go, he slid his arms around her shoulders, his fingers quickly finding its way to her loose hair. He savoured the smell of her hair; lilacs and violets.<p>

"I missed you, James." Victoria pulled away, looping her arm in his. Their bodies falling back to their comfortable familiarity with the other. James peered down at her, a ghost of a smile over his lips. Had she always been this small? James towered over her by less than a foot, from his view he could see just how long her dark lashes are and the smooth tops of her ample bosom. He chided at himself for thinking of such things. "Port Royal has been so dull without you. There was no one for me to talk to, at least no one with some good sense in their head."

"Well, i have returned and i'm sure you have many plans as to how i can entertain you." He teased lightly. They were the only ones who could hear their conversation, yet she felt almost embarrassed. James may seem outright ghastly and boring at first glance but he is in fact a very endearing man. Not at all like the cold and dispassionate man Elizabeth claims him to be.

"You make it sound like i'm a spoilt brat, captain." She retorted with a huff and a flick of her fan. James eyed the little ornament she held so preciously in her delicate hand, a small sincere smile forming over his lips.

"Are you not?" He teased her further, when she did not reply his smile grew into a full grin, he had won. "I see you are enjoying my gift, it suits you very well Victoria." She smiled and glanced at the fan, indeed it has become her favourite, never leaving the house without it.

"Of course, it is most beautiful James. Thank you. I treasure all you have given me, Specially this..." She stared into his vibrant green eyes, the look he was giving her made her knees feel weak. Somehow James didn't think they were talking about the fan anymore, but rather something else. Something far more precious.

They were sitting in the drawing room when Elizabeth arrived, a scowl evident on her fine features. Tea was served and she sat with Victoria and James. Something was pestering her sister, Victoria figured. The way she slammed the front door shut when she arrived served much to confirm her suspicions.

"How was your travels to the east James?" Elizabeth inquired with a sudden interest and a charming tone. Victoria's head perked up, surprise evident on her face as she looked to the direction of her sister. When did Elizabeth become so friendly with James? Had she always called him by his name or did it only occur now? James' expression did not change as he placed his cup on the saucer.

"It went surprisingly well Miss Swann. I had hoped to bring you and dear Victoria presents but i'm afraid i was too occupied with my work." An apologetic look crossed his face.

"Oh, i'm glad to hear it went well," Elizabeth was beaming and smiled sweetly at James. "Regarding the gifts, you are too kind James. But i assure you there is no need to trouble yourself, as for Victoria, i'm sure she has enough toys to keep herself occupied."

Victoria didn't like how Elizabeth regarded her like a petulant child who only cared for shiny trinkets and silk robes. The sudden change in her attitude alarmed her, as if she is taking revenge for something she had done.

Sure enough Elizabeth knew of her sister's fancy for the handsome James, but she knew she was the prettier one, the older one, the one with more charm and grace. The one that men desired. Yet when she came to visit Will Turner earlier that day he would not even listen to a word she's saying. All he talked about is how glum Victoria looked as of late. Worried over the fact that she did not greet him with a smile as she usually does when Victoria passed him that morning on her way to the docks. Elizabeth felt jealous, the little green monster grew ten feet tall when she saw her sister and captain Norrington sitting in the drawing room. She wanted revenge, and now is her chance.

"I had hoped also to make up for the lack of gifts to Victoria by taking her out to lunch by the sea this afternoon, the weather is very good today." James had hoped to steal Victoria away for a while and perhaps confess his feelings to her. He glanced up at the woman who held his affections, who was currently staring holes into her hands. "If it is alright with you my dear?" He asked the youngest of the two sisters.

Victoria's head jerked up. She smiled at her James but it didn't quite reach her eyes. "Of course James, that would be lovely." Her heart was pounding in her ears and her eyes were welling up with unshed tears but she held them back. She faked a yawn, stifling the sound with the back of her hand hoping that he wouldn't see through her. He did. "Do forgive me James, i think i should rest for a few hours, the excitement of the morning events wore me i'm afraid. I shall see you at lunch then."

James nodded, standing just as she did. He kissed her hand like a true gentleman which only caused Victoria's heart more pain. "Rest well, i shall pick you up at noon." He excused himself, saying he had reports to write and officers to attend to. The two sisters saw him to the door, and much to Victoria's discomfort, James swiftly kissed Elizabeth's hand.

"Goodbye James, i look forward to seeing you again." Said Elizabeth. Just as the doors closed Victoria turned to the grand staircase, hoping to escape to her room. "Oh, how i missed James' little visits. Didn't you?" There was something very akin to mocking in Elizabeth's tone. Victoria held off the tears, not wishing to cry in front of her sister. She didn't understand why she was doing this, why when she knew that she was in love with him?!

"Yes, i suppose i did. I'm glad you enjoyed yourself sister." With that said, Victoria walked off to her room, her paces wide and hurried. The moment she has closed the doors her tears sprang free and she wept for all she had.

* * *

><p>They sat on a blanket laid out on the white sand, they had just finished lunch and decided to enjoy the good caribbean weather. Victoria's shoes were tossed aside, a blank expression over her face. James stared at her, hoping to rouse a reaction from her. He kept wondering how things became so awkward between them.<p>

"Im glad you're back." She said, breaking from her thoughtful expression. A small smile on her lips as she fanned herself lightly.

"I am too," he paused, thinking over the words he is about to say in his mind. "I- i believe i had reason to come back as quickly as i could."

Victoria's heart grew heavy, she thought to drag out this conversation as long as possible if only to with hold what was to come in the end. He's gonna tell her he is in love with Elizabeth, like all the other men in society. "James, can i ask you something?" She hugged her knees to her chest, resting her cheek on her knees so that she could look at him from the corner of her eye.

"Anything..." He felt giddy and anxious. James Norrington is indeed a brave man but he could not help but feel utterly helpless in the gaze of this woman before him. She was like the sea, beautiful and enchanting, but harsh and changing and untameable. And he loved every bit of her.

"Have you ever been in love?" She blushed from her own boldness, half hoping that she had never asked. A smile crept over James' lips, his eyes shinning under the hot caribbean sun.

"Yes." Was his simple answer, but it spoke volumes. She felt cold seeping through her skin, and sighed shakily.

"Is she the reason why you wanted to return so quickly to Port Royal?"

"Yes she is. And i hope you won't find me too bold but i must know, have you ever been in love?" He held his breath, hoping that she will say yes and that it was him. That she loved him just as he did her. Her skin was so pale and soft beneath the clear blue sky, her creamy shoulders bare of any clothing. She had never been more beautiful than she was right then to James. Midnight hair wind swept and silver grey eyes that reflected the crystalline caribbean waters.

Victoria wanted to say yes, to tell him she love him. But she is so afraid of what he will say, what he will do if he knew. Would he laugh? No, This is James she's talking about, he is far too polite to do something so cruel. Then he would pity her, smile sadly and say he is sorry that he is in love with another. She didn't want his pity, she wanted his heart. It was selfish she knew but love is meant to be a little selfish isn't it? To want and to need the person you are in love with. With a heavy sigh and unshed tears that stung back of her eyes, she shook her head. "No, i guess not. My governess once told me that i am too young for love, perhaps she is right after all."

James' expression fell, a heavy weight started to weigh down on him, almost crushing him with its sheer force, but she did not notice the look of disappointment in his eyes when he stared longingly at her. Suddenly she seemed a thousand miles away and he had no way of reaching her. He stayed silent.

"Is it Elizabeth?" She asked, her voice small and low. He did not answer. How could he when the woman he loved just plain admitted that she held no one in particular in that sort of esteem. Not even him. His mouth felt dry and his throat clogged up.

When he did not answer Victoria smiled bitterly, taking his silence as a confirmation. Quickly without a seconds hesitation she stood up, dusting the skirt of her dress. She refused to look at him because if she does she will surely break apart. Her heart couldn't handle anymore than she just endured today. She needed to get away, to be alone and cry herself to sleep if that would help ease the pain even for just a little while. He looked up at her, suddenly bewildered at her sudden coldness. He was finding himself confused quite increasingly since he got back, a state he only experience when ever he is with her.

"May i inquire as to what it is you are doing?" He got up from his spot on the blanket and absently help her with whatever she is trying to accomplish.

"I'd like to go home now please. I don't feel too well." She said quickly, her tone clipped. James took Victoria's face between his large hands checking for a fever. The closeness of their faces took her by surprise causing her to take in a sharp breath.

"Are you ill? You do not appear to have a fever." James furrowed his brows, hoping that she is not unwell or sick. Her skin was soft beneath his calloused hands, he wanted so badly to pull her in and kiss her slightly parted lips.

"I'm fine, i just need to rest some more is all." She pulled away, busying herself with the blanket. Once he had delivered her home, she quickly bid him farewell and tried to run off as fast as she could without raising any alarms. But he caught her just before she could close the door, he pulled her to him, closer than what was decent and kissed her hand, his lips warm and lingering on her skin. He then bid her a good day and walked off.

_Oh James, what should i do?_


	2. Ch 2 Loosing sleep

**_Summertime sadness._**

**Chapter two. **_Loosing sleep._

Months passed since the whole picnic ordeal between Victoria and James. Elizabeth continued her little game of _charades_, and Victoria did what she could to ignore her feelings for James. They were drifting apart, his visits grew more and more infrequent and when he does visit he opts to paying more attention to Elizabeth. He kept Victoria at arms length, as if they were just platonic friends. No longer did she call him with endearments such as_ 'dear' _or _'My James'_ and it grated on her heart just how far apart they've grown. After Elizabeth's nineteenth celebration Victoria has resigned herself to being nothing more than a common friend, a face in the background as her James danced the first double with Elizabeth during the ball held for her birthday. It has become perfectly clear to her that Elizabeth has won, and she was taking great pleasure in her victory. After all those months of wondering what she might have done to anger her sister she still couldn't find the answer. Perhaps Elizabeth wasn't playing a game after all, what if she really did love James. Questions swirled in her head causing her to loose sleep more often than she would've liked. It drove her over the edge and it made her everyday routine seem dull and ghastly.

As time went by, Victoria soon started welcoming the rare visits of a certain blacksmith, Will Turner. He has proven himself to be a very fine man and a good friend. He make her smile, laugh even, when he breaks out a comment about Mr. Brown and his scruffy old beard. She trusted Will enough to call him her confidant, the way he knows exactly what to say or when to stay quiet and listen to her ramblings. Now she knew why Elizabeth fancy him so much, or at least she_ 'did'_. The soft music from the quaint pavilion near the fort wafted over to where she sat along the shore line, her pale blue dress covered in fine sand and her shoes abandoned near the rocks. Her father was hosting a mixer, all the young nobility of Port Royal were present, even James.

"Won't they notice your absence?" Will sat on one of the boulders, skipping rocks on the calm sea, the weather was very fine that one afternoon. Victoria shook her head, eyes still trained over the calm waters.

"No, they'll be too busy admiring Elizabeth. Specially James, he won't even notice i'm gone." She smiled sadly, but then schooled her features to one of calmness and sighed deeply. "But, since it's such a nice day, let's not spoil it with such daunting conversation."

"What would you like to do then?" He asked as he skipped another rock. Victoria looked thoughtful for a moment before standing and dusting off the sand from her dress.

"Let me give it a try," she said as she held out her palm to take a flat rock from Will. "Come on then, i bet you a blue berry scone that i can best you at skipping rocks."

Will looked at her with an incredulous smile and handed her a flat stone. "Alright then, the one who skips the farthest wins."

In the end Victoria lost and now she owed him a blueberry scone from his favourite bakery. But she had great fun throwing rocks and pretending to be a child again. She wish for the times when she didn't have to worry about unrequited love and vengeful sisters. They say ignorance is bliss, only now does she hold those words of wisdom closer to her heart. She and will said their farewells as she had to return to the mixer and act proper. To pretend as if nothing was wrong, an act she had perfected long ago. Her demure smile a solid mask. She stood near the parapets watching people socialise and exchange false pleasantries. She fanned herself absently hoping to ease the mid afternoon heat even for just a little. She spied golden tresses at the corner of her eye and immediately her corset seemed too tight, the boning digging painfully into her skin. It was Elizabeth, latched on the arm of none other than Captain Norrington himself, a pretty smile plastered over her face.

"Victoria, what are you doing here so far away from the party." Came Elizabeth's chirpy tone as they approached her. Victoria had to remind herself to breathe as she caught glimpse of vibrant green eyes, staring her down.

"Oh you know me, i'm not too fond of crowds." The look in James' eyes did nothing to help ease her already frayed nerves.

"Elizabeth, darling would you come here for a moment please. There's someone i'd like you go meet." Elizabeth was just about to open her mouth and say something when their father called out to her. Looking hesitant at first, she unlatched herself from James and went towards the direction of her father.

There was a moment of silence as James studied the other woman before him. She was obviously avoiding looking at him, settling to fanning herself rapidly. The small object in her hand made him smile. "Lovely weather isn't it Victoria."

"Oh is it? I hadn't noticed. But now that you mention it, its a bit too hot for my liking. Oh how i wish i was back in England." She lied, she love the caribbean weather. Her heart was aching as she forced her cold demeanour towards him. James has done nothing to deserve this yet she couldn't bring herself to stop.

"I thought you liked the warm weather. I remember when you were smaller you'd pester me into abandoning my paperwork to go on a picnic by the beach whenever the warm weather gets you in the mood." The smile he gave her made her mind falter and her heart did a little flip. She hadn't known he remembered all those things. Those innocent moments bathed in sunlight and pure bliss when things weren't so complicated between them.

"I was a child back then. And things do change, _Captain Norrington_." Victoria almost winced when she called him by his tittle but knew that it was for the best. She needed to distance herself from him, to be nothing more than a faded memory.

"Victoria, when did things start to change?" James was hurt, he felt abandoned and cold. It was as if they were a million miles away from each other, separated by endless water and sea. Perhaps he's been doomed into a life of heartbreak the moment he realised how much he loved her.

"People's lives change everyday Captain, we just don't see it." She chanced a glance at his green eyes. They were as vibrant as the day she first met him. He was her horizon, unattainable, unreachable yet she kept reaching out and hoping that she might be able to keep a piece of that love and passion he holds deep in his heart. "Now if you'll excuse me, i'd like to go home now. The hot weather does not sit too well with me."

"I will escort you then." He tried to reach out to her but she stepped away from him, shaking her head.

"No, that wouldn't be necessary. Please enjoy yourself Captain, my sister is probably waiting for you." She walked away, head held high, tears slowly welling up in her eyes. She excused herself to her sister and father before exiting the pavilion. It was better this way.

* * *

><p>She hadn't really been surprised when Will came up to her during her usual morning walks around town and asked for a moment. He had taken her to the smithies, his hair unruly and dark circles were under his eyes. "Im in love with Elizabeth!" He had announced breathlessly. She already knew, the moment they became friends she had figured the young blacksmith's fancy for her sister. Victoria smiled proudly at him.<p>

"Finally you admit it," she came to give him a friendly hug, one which he gladly accepted, no pretence or any comments about her sense of propriety. "Im so proud of you, Will!"

"Yes, well having too many sleepless nights just thinking about her and her soft golden hair was enough to help me become an honest man." He said, a lovestruck look upon his face. Although she felt happy for her friend Victoria also dreaded the day he would admit his true feelings for Elizabeth. Now they will both be miserable, both pinning over someone who is utterly unreachable. She could only hope for the best for her dear friend, may his heart be guided where her's wasn't.

* * *

><p>A year and a half has passed, things stayed as they were. She is still good friends with Will and she acted as if nothing was wrong. But Victoria knew in her heart that there was, indeed, so much wrongness in her life. Like the way the man she love is now smitten with her older sister and all she can do is wallow in self pity.<p>

James started putting more effort into their strained friendship though, she noticed, he came everyday to escort her during her morning walks, sometimes staying for lunch and other times just tea. He was welcoming in his approach as he always was during their better days. He talked about his travels, even goes as far as bringing her books that might spark her interest. Victoria couldn't help the warm feeling pooling in her chest at the thought of all he's done for her, because no matter how hard she might try to deny it to Elizabeth and herself, truth is, she is still madly and inevitably in love with James Norrinton. And she hated herself for it yet couldn't bring herself to regret ever falling for him.

Victoria looked at herself in the glass once more, her own reflection staring up at her with nervous eyes. Her dress was a deep red with gold embroidery on the tight bodice, the skirt pooling around her in a dance of velvet, silk and lace. It was her eighteenth and a ball is being held in her honour.

"Miss Victoria, it is time." Estrella called out to her behind the door. Donning on her silk gloves and grabbing her favourite fan, she made for the door. Her father was waiting near the stairs, arms wide open to hug her.

"You look absolutely stunning my dear. Your mother would've been so proud!" Governor Weatherby escorted his daughter down the grand staircase, all eyes trained on his daughter. Once they reached the bottom step they received a round of applause. His chest swelled with pride. He had two beautiful daughters, and sometimes he whispers his wife's name and gives his thanks to her for giving him his most treasured children.

"Victoria, you look... Beautiful," Victoria turned to see James. A warm glint in his eyes. "As always." She almost sighed inwardly as he took her hand, breaking their trance, and kissed her silk clad knuckles.

"Thank you, _James_."

She hadn't spoken his name in so long that he almost forgot what it sounded like falling from her lips. He couldn't contain the smile that threatened to split his face in half as he stared into her silvery grey eyes. How he missed dancing with her, holding her so close that he feels intoxicated with her scent, just like lilacs and violets. "May i have the honour of your first dance?"

"Yes," she breathed out not aware that all eyes were trained on them, the air around them was electric. "Yes, you may." She composed herself once more and managed a curtesy.

The orchestra started playing and they waltzed off across the dance floor, her dress sweeping behind her in flashes of red and gold. Their steps were so familiar and intimate that they could have danced in perfect synchrony in their sleep. Each step matched perfectly by the other, his eyes never leaving hers. They were familiar with this. And she savoured every second of it.

That night she was passed on from one man to another, she could hardly remember the names and faces of the men she's danced with, but when it was time for the final dance her senses came back to her as James took her by the waist and pulled her closer that he ever has, propriety be damned. She felt exposed and heated as they danced, it was almost like and erotic scene from one of her more sinful books. Too soon the music ended and they had to part, but they couldn't. His hand pressed firmly to the small of her back, as her were flat against his chest. Her father's awkward coughing brought them out of the haze and they separated, the guests had gone quite, most of them looking scandalised.

"James..."

"Thank you for that lovely dance, Victoria." He swept down on a flourishing bow before kissing her hand.

"Of course."

After the nights events Victoria went up to her room, her heart pounding in her chest. Surely she wouldn't be sleeping for a long long time.

* * *

><p>Today was the day. Victoria has decided that she cannot keep on living like this, she must tell James how she feel. Nothing can stop her now. Not even Elizabeth. She donned on her favourite green dress, the one that matched his eyes, and her favourite fan. She took the long way through the town to muster all her courage. On her way there she spotted Will, by the smithies. He smiled when he caught sight of her.<p>

"Good morning will, may i have a moment?"

"Of course, anything." He lead her inside the smithies where Mr. Brown was snoring soundly in a corner, a bottle of rum in his grubby hands.

"Im going to tell him, Will." She breathed out.

"What?" Will frowned, confused at what his friend was trying to say.

"Im going to confess, to James." Victoria's heart was already pounding in her ears as she waited for her friend's reaction. He smile broadly at her.

"Well... I wish all best of luck then, Victoria." She smiled. Will lead her out of the smithies, giving her a hug and a kiss on the forehead for good luck. He waved her off. "Don't let me hold you up then, go..."

"Thank you Will." She smiled at him then went off towards James' office at the fort. Yes, today was the day.


	3. Ch 3 A drop in the ocean

**_Summertime sadness._**

**_Chapter three._** _A drop in the ocean._

She did not knock or called out to him. Simply put, she did not care for propriety, not at the moment at least. She had to do it quick, let the words slip before her courage leaves her entirely. Her heart was beating like a stampede of wild horses, her blood rushed in her ears, almost deafening her. He had a shocked look in his eyes before comporting himself once again.

"Victoria wha-" she didn't even let him finish before holding up her hand to silence him. She strode in front of his desk a few meters away from him, focusing her line of sight to the large windows that showcased the magnificent ocean behind him. Victoria breathed in deeply.

"I have to tell you something," she paused for a moment, gathering her thoughts.

"So do i."

"James i- i love you." Eyes wide open, heart, wild and beating, "I will ask Elizabeth to marry me," they both uttered at the same time. Shock was evident on both their faces.

"What?" James stared at her blankly, her words suddenly washing over him in tides and waves. Suddenly he regretted the words he just said. How cruel can fate be?! Why now of all times, why?! Tears were now falling from her wide eyes, falling but never ceasing its trail down her porcelain cheeks. His heart was soaring and drowning at the same time, he couldn't breathe.

"I- i, forgive me, how silly can i be," Victoria didn't know what to do, should she stay or should she run away. She wanted to run but her feet were firmly planted from where she stood. Tears were falling but she couldn't will them to stop. Her heart ached with a new found pain, as if it was too sore from beating and the wounds were starting to open and sting. She didn't want to believe him, but she knew that it was too late. "Please, forget everything i just said, it is of no importance. Not anymore."

She laughed dryly, what did she find so funny? James wanted to reach out, to take her into his embrace and tell her he was wrong but he couldn't. "Victoria please, let me explain." He took a step towards her but she instantly backed away. James pulled back the hand he had absently reached out to touch her, letting it fall to his side. He felt hurt, but he knew he had hurt her much more.

"No. Please don't. Just forget about everything, i'm sure you and Elizabeth will be very happy together. Now if you'll excuse me Captain, i have to go." She ran away from his office, from him, not even bothering close the door. She hoisted up her dress, bunching up the heavy material in her hands and ran as swiftly as she could. She flew from stairs and streets, and along the shoreline where they had their picnic two years ago. She ran and ran until she had to stop for breath, near a secluded area where the beach curved along the water. She let her skirts drop from her hands, a far away look in her eyes as dark ominous clouds encroached over the clear caribbean sky.

Victoria wanted to stop the tears from falling but she couldn't. It was impossible. Just like her unrequited love for James. She waddled knee deep into the water, not bothered that her dress was now ruined. She stood there, just staring at the infinite horizon, tears still flowing. Her tears mingled with the salty sea, just a drop in the ocean, an insignificant thing among the many. She had hoped that when she finally confess her feelings for him, her worries and woes would soon dissipate just like her tears now blended into the water. The pain was too much, Victoria thought. It was such a dull ache that she felt numb from head to toe, she wanted to disappear, to be swallowed up by the sea. But her father would be so wounded if she were to be eaten by the waves, she couldn't bare to give him such pain.

Victoria fell on her knees, burying her waist deep into the clear waters, she sobbed more freely now, her lungs gasping for air as she couldn't breathe. The lump in her throat wouldn't go down, and her stays felt like a vice crushing her lungs. She looked at the intricate fan in her hand, tracing the butterfly patterns with her fingertips. Tear blots stained the cream silk. She wanted to throw it away, swung back her arms, aiming as far as she can to throw the wretched thing but... She couldn't. In the end she grasped it closer to her chest, sobbing and hurting. When she was younger she didn't expect love to hurt like this. "Im such a fool..."

She sat there, for a long moment, whether it be hours or mere minutes she couldn't tell. Once the tears were dried and gone, she settled into staring out blankly at the sea as she sat in the water. The rain soon followed, soaking her thoroughly but still she didn't leave. She couldn't. Her heart felt as if it was anchored to the sand. Heavy and drowning.

* * *

><p>It's been hours since she ran away from his office, and the sun has well set now. But still she hadn't returned home, James was worried. He had thought about going after her earlier but decided against it, she needed time and so did he. He needed to think things through. He had only said the things he did earlier out of scorn and jealousy. He had seen them, William Turner and Victoria that is, outside the smithies this morning. His heart clenched painfully at the sight of the young man kissing her forehead so fondly. Perhaps if he had told her of his feeling earlier things wouldn't have turned out like this. After going back to his office he has decided to marry Elizabeth, for if it was the only way he could be close to Victoria then he'll gladly take that chance. He hadn't really expected her to come to him with a love confession, one that he revelled in and dreaded at the same time. Oh why must things be so complicated?!<p>

"Sir, we have no clue of where she might be. The night is far too dark to set sail now if she has gone away on a long boat." A navy officer came up to James, a weary look on his face.

"Well, light up the torches and lamps! We will not rest until she is found, do i make myself clear!" He sneered at the young officer. James wasn't usually frightful to his men, but tonight he was on edge.

"Yes sir, i shall inform the men immediately. Shall we prepare the_ 'Interceptor' _to set sail sir?"

"No, that won't be necessary." James was just about to answer when a familiar female voice came from the door. It was Victoria. Her dress soaking wet and her hair clung to her neck and face. Her eyes were red and her lips incredibly pale, probably from the cold.

"Goodness gracious my dear! Where have you been, your sister and i have been worried sick!" The governor went to wrap his frock coat over his trembling daughter. What in god's good name happened to her?!

"I just went out for a swim." She laughed humourless. James crossed the Swann mansion's grand foyer, towards the soaking young woman. She glanced up at him momentarily before lowering her eyes to the floor. "Thank you for your efforts Captain Norrington, but as you can see i am very much home and alive. You may now take your leave."

"Victoria, i- i need to speak with you." He pleaded.

"I am tired Captain, maybe some other time." He could see the pain in her eyes, but the tears were gone. His heart ached for her, his arms longed to hold her, to keep her warm. And to reassure her that he did not mean what he said, that in truth she was the one he truly loved.

"Very well, but i really must speak with you. I will be back once you are well again." She nodded numbly before walking up to the stairs, her heavy dress weighing her down, or was it her heart? She couldn't really tell anymore.

"Victoria," James called out almost hesitatingly. She turned her head towards him but didn't meet his eyes. "Are... Are you alright?" He asked. He felt like a fool asking her such things when she obviously is not. But he had to hear her say it although he knew she would be lying through her teeth.

"Of course, why wouldn't i be." She replied with a cold edge to her tone, one that pierced right through his heart. She then proceeded to climb up the stairs. Then all of a sudden she came clambering back down, she approached him with a sad look in her eyes before taking his hand and placing something smooth in it. "Perhaps in doing this, i will be able to forget."

It was the fan he had given her so long ago. She's returning it, casting it out of her life, casting 'him' out. Indeed, he was a fool. "Victoria please, you cant!" He protested.

"Good night, captain." She said with finality before running off to her room.

* * *

><p>She sobbed into her hand, her back against her door. She hated it all, wanted to take back her fan. Would he throw it away, give it to Elizabeth? '<em>Oh, James...' <em>She thought desperately. Victoria changed into her night slip, her hair damp with rain water, she had no thought of drying it before sinking into bed. She was so tired, body, mind and heart. She cried well into the night until her pillow was too wet, and her eyes ached with exhaustion. Until sleep finally claimed her.

* * *

><p><em>"Miss Swann, do you like the sea?"<em>

_She stared up at him, he was tall, towered over her. His green eyes peering down at her. 'James' oh, dear James he looked so young without that preposterous white wig he usually wears. "Yes. It's very pretty."_

_"Indeed, the sea is quite beautiful." He was standing close beside her, his hands clasped behind him. Victoria looked over at the water, her childish hands grasping the railing. 'Childish hands?' Then all of a sudden Elizabeth's voice wafted over them, she was singing one of those pirate shanties._

_"Yo ho, yo ho, a pirates life for me..." There was a loud ringing in Victoria's ears. Echoing so loud its deafening. It kept on ringing and ringing and ringing until..._

Clear, silver grey eyes snapped to attention. Victoria sat up in bed, her head spinning with past memories and bad dreams. It was a dream, all a dream. A distant memory from long ago, back in their crossing from England. When she first met James.

"Victoria darling, are you awake?"

"Yes, yes father." Governor Weatherby Swann entered the room with two maids trailing behind him, large boxes stacked on their arms.

"My dear! Still abed at this hour. You look a fright, are you unwell?" He came over to kiss her forehead.

"I am fine father, just a bit tired is all." She probably did look a fright, with her bloodshot eyes and pale complexion. "What is all this?" She gestured to the large boxes.

"I brought you a gift," her father smiled.

"A gift? May i inquire as to the occasion, perhaps an _Engagement?_" She asked, her face falling just a bit as she opened the huge box. It was a deep blue dress, with gold trim and a cream coloured stomacher. It reminded her of a certain navy officer's uniform. It was beautiful, really.

"Yes, well i was hoping you'd join Elizabeth and myself at Captain Norrington's promotion ceremony. He is to become commodore you see." He told the maids to help her get dressed. Estrella tightened her Corset, almost restricting her lungs entirely. She could only breath in in small gasps. "But, since you and the commodore are good friends, i'm assuming you are well aware of his proposal to Elizabeth? I trust you will keep it a secret until he has properly proposed to your sister."

"Of course." She gasped as Estrella tied the laces on her corset. She pressed her hands to her heaving chest, it was bloody painful! It took everything she had in her not to break down in tears. Even her father knew.

"Well, i'll go and wake your sister." The governor went off to the room next to hers. Once she has successfully donned on the dress she sat in front of the vanity, Estrella combing through her dark ebony hair. It was braided and pinned, long strands of ebony hanging over her shoulder. The gold filigree butterfly pin held half of hair up into an intricate knot. Her lips were painted red, her signature colour, a long strand of pearls coiled around her neck. She sighed, what was the point in doing all this when the man she wanted to look at her already belongs to another.

"Thank you Estrella, you may go now." She dismissed her maid when she was done. She couldn't possibly face James, not now. Not ever. She made her way down to the foyer, hearing Elizabeth's voice echoing off the walls. She was conversing with Will.

"Will, how many times must I ask you to call me_ 'Elizabeth'?_"

"At least once more, as always, Miss Swann."

Victoria strode down the stairs with careful steps, her breathing shallow thanks to her vice like stays. "My dear, you look absolutely beautiful!" Came the governor's proud voice.

"Thank you father," she hugged the older man before turning her attention to her friend. "Good morning Will, how have you been?" She smiled, but it didn't exactly reach her eyes, and she knew he noticed too.

"Good morning Victoria, i- i mean Miss Swann. I am well, thank you. And you as well i hope?" He stuttered not used to addressing his friend so stiffly and politely.

"I am... Doing alright." She nodded slowly. A concerned look crossed his young features.

"Come now ladies, we really must be going." Victoria and Elizabeth were ushered out of the house, and into the carriage that would take them to Fort Charles. The carriage rattled and jumped due to the bumpy road. Victoria's heart grew heavier and heavier the closer they got to their destination, she was not prepared to face James, the wounds were still too fresh, his proposal to Elizabeth would only serve as the salt to rub deep into those wounds. She stared at her empty hands, missing the feel and weight of her fan. Now she had nothing to cling to, nothing to keep her anchored and stop her from being washed away by the waves. She peered down at her navy blue dress, mocking the navy's uniform. How ironic can her life get. Now she would not only be there to face James with bloodshot eyes due to all her crying but now she would match him in attire as well.

* * *

><p>The sun was unforgiving, mocking them in this hell bent heat. Yet she could do nothing but press her hands to her stomach to ease the pain due to her too tight stays. Victoria wished more than ever to have her fan right then. James had gone up to receive his medal and ceremonial sword. She couldn't bare to look at him. When the ceremony was over everyone gathered in the pavilion for some refreshments and to socialise.<p>

"You look lovely, Victoria." She was standing near a wall, when he spoke to her. She turned towards him, but didn't meet his eyes.

"Thank you commodore."

"May i please have a moment?" He pleaded, his voice low to assure the privacy of their conversation.

Victoria was reluctant at first but allowed him her audience. She did not take his offered arm, instead walked in a steady pace beside him. He sighed deeply. "Commodore, i would appreciate it if we do this quickly, i'm sure there are many other pressing matters you must attend to."

"Oh stop this none sense Victoria!" He turned towards her, his eyes blazing with an emotion she had not seen in his eyes before.

"Fine then! What do you want me to say? That i'm happy for you, that you have my blessings? Is that what you want to hear from me?" Her heart was beating wildly, her outburst didn't faze him though.

"No. Of course not! Do you think i'm some sort of an idiot? Do you really think i am in love with Elizabeth?" He grasped her arms tightly, dragging her to a secluded area behind the pavilion where they were alone and no one could see them.

"Well, are you not?!" She bit back sarcastically, venom and bitterness evident in her tone. He had pressed her back to the cold, stone wall. Rendering her trapped between him and the wall, his hands still digging into her arms.

"No! Why are you so bloody thick?! Isn't it obvious enough that i'm in love with you." He pressed himself closer to her until there was no space between their chest.

"Yet you will ask Elizabeth to marry you, Why?!" She tried to push him away in her fit of anger but he wouldn't move.

"Because i've already asked your father! I cant just go back on my word now." She stared at him for a long moment, her eyes cold and hard.

"So, this is about your honour is it commodore. I should've known. You, James Norrington, is a spineless _jellyfish!_ You dare tell me you love me but then intend upon marrying my sister just to save your reputation and name from being tarnished! You disgust me!"

"Victoria! Stop it, you know very well why i have to marry Elizabeth!" He was mad, angry and frustrated all because he loved her and hated her at the same time for making him feel this way. For undoing him so quickly.

"No, i don't! All i know is you are bloody coward Jame-" she didn't get to finish. His lips captured hers in a fierce kiss, forcing her back against the wall once more. His hand was on the back of her neck keeping her from moving away. His other hand clamping down on her upper arm. Her hand was now flat against his chest, the other firmly placed on his shoulder, either trying to pull him closer or push him back. She couldn't tell anymore as she forgot herself and her anger and kissed him back with much fervour.

He pulled her closer to him, kissing her savagely. It was the only way he could think of to shut her up. But now he couldn't bring himself to stop. He explored every crevice of her sweet mouth with his tongue. She tasted of strong lemon tea and and honey. He wanted more, he wanted everything. When they finally pulled away they were panting from lack of breath, her lips bruised with his kisses. "Victoria i-" his face lashed to the side as her palm connected with his left cheek, a dull red sting emanating from the spot. She had slapped him hard across the cheek. It wasn't exactly the reaction he was expecting.

"Don't think you can sway me with a kiss James. If you still wish to marry my sister, now would be your chance to ask her." She didn't even wait for his answer before slipping away from him and out of sight.

She ran past guests and navy officials. Her chest heaving against the low neck line of her dress. Her constricting corset made it hard for her to move too much without leaving her utterly breathless. She bumped into Elizabeth conversing with lieutenant Theodore Groves. "Excuse me one moment, lieutenant." Elizabeth excused herself politely.

"Of course. Good day Ladies."

"Elizabeth, i-"

"Hush, i have to speak with you," she dragged Victoria to a shady area just outside the pavilion. "I'm sorry for the way i have been acting for the past two years, i'm afraid i have been very selfish and i know i have put you through so much pain. But i was jealous and didn't know what else to do."

"What? Why would you be jealous?" Finally the truth came out, thought Victoria. But she was confused. Why would Elizabeth be jealous, shouldn't it be the other way around.

"Its because i thought Will fancied you. So i wanted to make you feel just as miserable as i did. I know it was incredibly selfish of me." A look of guilt flashed over Elizabeths face.

"But Will and i are just good friends, Elizabeth. There is nothing going on between us."

"I know, i know, and i'm sorry." Elizabeth hugged her younger sister. She pulled away and unlatched a golden medallion from her neck. "Here, i want you to have it. It is very important to me so keep it safe, and don't let anyone see it."

"It's Will's isn't it?" She recognised the skull pattern from eight years ago. Elizabeth nodded. "Alright, i will keep it safe."

"Do you forgive me?"

"Of course, i don't think there's really anything to forgive." Victoria smiled and put on the necklace, tucking the medallion in her bodice, between her breasts for safe keeping.

"Elizabeth, may i have a moment?" James then suddenly appeared, seeking Elizabeth's company. Elizabeth gave her sister a look of reassurance before heading off with the commodore.

Victoria went to the parapets, avoiding the crowd. James and Elizabeth were walking just around the area, their small figures still in sight before stopping near the battlements a few feet away from her. She clung to the stone like a life line. Her corset was unbearably tight. She gasped for air. Soon everything started to blur together, her senses going dull as she faded out into blackness.

* * *

><p>Elizabeth just knew he would propose, even if he hadn't meant it. He was driven to it by his sense of duty, duty to his word and to her father. But she knew too well that the young commodore has eyes only for her younger sister. Her said sister slumping over the stone wall of her side of the parapets, she looked slightly unwell. Elizabeth couldn't seem to focus on James but instead stared at the figure of her sister over his shoulder.<p>

"Elizabeth, you have become a fine woman." He said, his voice lacking its sincerity. He waited for her answer but was too occupied with whatever was going on over his shoulder.

"Victoria!" Elizabeth suddenly screamed and James whipped his head to the side, just enough to catch a glimpse of Victoria's navy blue dress and dark ebony hair, flaying around her as she fell off the battlements.

"Victoria!" He yelled after her, shaking off his frock coat with great haste before readying himself to jump after her, when his men caught his arms, stopping him.

"Sir! The rocks, its a miracle she even missed them."

He shoved his way through his men, running down from the fort. _Oh dear god!_ If he lost her like this he would never be able to forgive himself.

* * *

><p><strong><em><span>AN: hey guys, just wanted to know if you guys like this fic, please let me know via reviews. And i hope you guys enjoy it. (Awkward silence...) okay, this has gone quite dry. Im not really good at leaving author's notes so please forgive me and my bad socialising skills. Anyways (cough) enjoy reading my fics. Bye! <span>_**


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